What do you do?

What do you do when your life is spiraling out of control and the more you try to get a grasp on it, the faster it spins? That’s how I feel right now. I’ve had all these hopes and dreams and now I feel like none of them are achievable. I wanted to go back to school for Medical Assisting or Dental Assistant but I don’t have any HOPE money left. It used to be that you could only persue one major and then get more upon completion of said major. Now, it’s 90 hours and that’s it. So I obviously used all of mine. I’m really upset about that because I love school and was looking forward to going back and starting over so to say.

I feel like nothing in my life is going right. Me and Court don’t fight that often anymore but when we do, it’s like all hell broke lose and it’s mostly because of me. I’m so hott and cold these days it’s not even funny. I don’t know what I want and when faced with a decision, I don’t know what to do. It’s like the switch to my brain has a faulty plug. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling so inadequate. I haven’t even updated this site in a while because of it. I want to put up a new theme and do alot of other stuff but I feel like I don’t have the time/energy to do so.

My job is in and out. One day I like it and the next I hate it. I just wish I had some money to do the things I want to do. My job is not paying as much as I’d hoped .. actually it’s almost not paying at all. And I try to stick with it and I feel like if I leave that place, I won’t find anything else. I’ve hit rock bottom and I don’t know what to do about it. I just feel like I need to be by myself so I don’t either a) scream at people because I’m so moody or b) hurt people’s feelings by the awful things that come out of my mouth. I’m turning into a royal bitch.

Sorry to crowd my blog with my whining/complaining but it’s things that I needed to get out and I wanted to post them privately in my Vox/LJ but what good does that do? So I’m posting openly because despite how much I wish it wasn’t true, this is me.. the real me.