I’m jinxed

I seriously think I jinx myself. I start working on a project and WHAMO! another project enters my mind! What is up with that? I have a lot of stuff to accomplish and the harder I work towards accomplishing it, the more ideas pop into my head. Ugh. Am I the only one like this?

Overwhelmed

I have over 650 e-mails, tons of site work to do, themes to code, sets to make for my TCG’s, my TP to update, and I feel completely overwhelmed. I think it’s time to make a handy dandy to-do list. I am really not big on lists since I forget about the list most of them time but to crush this overwhelming feeling I am getting, I know I need to make one.

Yesterday I went to Wal-Mart with my mom and I picked up some books. I am notorious for going to Wal-Mart promising myself I will only purchase one book and walk out with like five. I think I got six yesterday but I’m already done with one since it was a really good book but it kind of got me in a down mood. The good thing about the book is that it motivated me to pick myself up and decide to start writing again. I’ve been toying with this book idea for a while now and have wrote a few pages on it but nothing major but now, I’m going to go for it! So maybe I’ll post some more on that later.

For now, it’s dinner time. We cooked out ribs and steak and have the other usual cookout food such as potato salad, baked beans, mac and cheese and for desert, Selena and I made a delicious banana pudding! We usually have homemade ice cream but for some reason, bananas were calling my name! So expect some changes around here soon whenever I kick this feeling and get stuff done which that is saying if my teeth decide to behave. Seven days until my birthday and ten until I get my wisdom teeth pulled. Hooray!

Dear Neighbors

Dear Neighbors..

For the love of God, can you please not feel the need to throw a party EVERY weekend? I know that you just love socializing and all that jazz but it gets really annoying to have your overflowing cars that already filled your yard pushing the property line into ours. Not to mention, it’d be nice that if every time we didn’t come out of our house you’d teach your guests it’s not nice to stare. And last time I checked, the sounds of yelling teenagers and all this other chaos coming from all of you is NOT pleasant. So shut the f*ck up because I really want some peace and quiet on the weekend since that’s what the weekend is for. And it’d be different if this wasn’t an EVERY weekend occurrence. So shut up before I feel the need to march my ass over there and say all this to your face instead of quietly blogging it. kthnx have a nice day.

Tsk, tsk, shame on me.

I am a fraud. I’ve been “lying” about Court and I. The lies were to cover my complete unhappiness. For a while now, Court and I fight a lot. I try to make it seem as everything is all hunky dory because I am not one to complain or to bother others with my problems but this time, I have to blog about it. When Court and I first met, he moved two hours away from his hometown to be here with me. For the first two years we were happy and so in love. I mean, I still love him but there is quite a lot of tension. I am ready to get married and settle down. Evidently, he has no intention on marrying me because every time we talk about it, I think he just tells me what I want to hear instead of what he truly thinks and the only time he said what he thought was when he said I don’t want to get married and it not work out. Meaning if we did get married, evidently we wouldn’t work out. Now my question, why be with someone if you know they want to get married/have kids if you don’t want the same? To me that’s pure torture and in the end, neither of you are happy. Kids and a family is REALLY important to me. I have no greater wish than to be a mother. So great that at times, I cry myself to sleep because a nurse once told me I would never become pregnant. That shattered my heart even though my mom said that was because I wasn’t having a period and with some weight loss I should be fine, but even so, that really hurt me. Oh and what does Court think? Umm, nothing really. It doesn’t phase him.

A while back, we had a pregnancy scare and he was SO happy and even called his dad to talk to him about it. Now I’m left with wondering where did that Court go? The Court that wanted to marry me and the Court that loved me and he never really had to say it (even though he said it a lot) because I KNEW he loved me. The Court that I have now, I think the “I love you’s” are just so uniformed and not meaningful. I think that is what hurts the most, hearing him say “I love you” and deep down knowing it’s not authentic.

So now we move to this past weekend. He went back home for Sunday and Monday since it was Mother’s Day and he wanted to spend some time with his grandma. Well today he called to say he called his work and asked about a transfer. Basically, he’s moving back to Snellville. How can you just spring something like that on the person you supposedly love? I don’t understand. Does that mean he is completely out of love with me? To me, if you love someone, you love them. No questions asked. He was fine being away from his family the past three years and he gets to visit them every other weekend. So I don’t understand the problem and when I ask him he is so quick to blame it on stupid shit instead of owning up to it himself. I will never understand guys just like I will never understand what I’ve done to deserve this kind of treatment. I honestly feel like I am damaged because every guy I fall for never treats me right and I really hate being alone but it’s worth it this time. I can’t be led around like a little dog by Court because that’s not fair. He is so manipulative and selfish. If things don’t go his way, he is very unhappy and in a relationship, it can’t be all about you.

So I am officially single. I am about to start packing all of his stuff up. I don’t want him staying in this house if he plans on leaving. Besides, he’s already got money from his uncle to stay in a hotel. I just hope he leaves me some money from his paycheck on Thursday because I hate to be without money especially since I am not working because I’m a full-time student. If not, I guess I’ll be S.O.L. At least I have PPP and the re-opening of Hostaxia to fall back on. I guess I couldn’t be planning to re-open Hostaxia at a better time. And lastly, Julie Julie Julie Julie! I am so sorry for messing up your link last blog, I was trying to write a quick entry before I had to get ready and I got all the .net and .org’s mixed up!!

Ugh when will I get better!

I am STILL not over my sickness. I missed Monday night which was a test night and even Wednesday night class. On Tuesday I went to the doctor and got some medicine. My doctor put me back on an inhaler which freaking sucks. I feel like I’m that sick kid again who won’t get to enjoy their childhood because while everyone else is outside playing she’s too busy being sick. Ugh. The really sucky thing is one of my prescriptions was $114 in itself. Thank God my mom paid for my medicine. My mom just wants me to get better.

On Wednesday, we went to Sears and purchased a treadmill. It won’t be here until this coming Monday since the store didn’t carry the one we wanted and it wouldn’t be delivered to our local store until Monday morning. So hooray. Too bad I have class Monday so I won’t get to go with my mom and my sister to pick it up. Grr. We have to use my mom’s car because my back seats don’t fold down. I’m excited to have the treadmill so I can finally start losing some weight. Bout damn time!

So anyways I was busy today. I actually signed onto instant messengers and chatted with some friends! I missed them so much! <3 Love to all my net friends because you all have truly changed my life. Whenever I feel alone I know I have ya’ll to turn to! So that got me feeling really nice tonight and not to mention I coded a new theme. I’m working on installing some new WP hacks and will have that up ASAP. Also, I am putting my hosting plan prices on my domain probably unless by some miraculous event, I get Hostaxia up and running this weekend. You never know, that might happen. The revenue from Hostaxia plus PPP is what is going to fund my next tuition payment. So if you need cheap domain hosting, look no further! Lol. So anyways it’s going on 3 AM so I think it’s time for me to hit the hay! Night. Later gator.