Crash & Burn

Well, I am officially single. I seriously don’t know what to say or how to act right now. I just feel raw. I probably won’t blog for a couple of days. I’m busying myself on site stuff but miss-kate is coming last this time. I don’t want to deal with my personal site, ya know. So, until then, later.

Reminiscing Old Friends

The other day, I was watching 28 days which is about this woman who gets totally wasted at her sister’s wedding, steals a limo, and then wrecks it. She is then given the choice of prison or going to a drug and alcohol rehab center. She obviously picks rehab but refuses to really take part in any of the treatments there at the facility. Finally after getting to know some of the others in the treatment center, she realizes she does have a problem and starts cleaning up her life.

It stars Sandra Bullock who is one of my favorite actresses. The big surprise for me was Viggo Mortensen. I have never found him attractive at all, in fact, one of my old net friends was a major Viggo fan. Jo, the net friend, went on and on about how hot he is but I never saw it until I saw this movie. I must say, maybe Jo was right.

Speaking of old net friends, it’s funny how a movie can make you think of old friends. I’ve come to realize how many friends I have distanced myself from in the past year. I used to enjoy posting at forums and swapping e-mails back and forth with quite a few people but lately, I don’t even want to talk to people. I think all of this started in the last part of mine and my ex’s relationship. It was when the abuse started and I just retreated inside of myself instead of leaning on others for support. I mean, how can you just tell a friend, “oh hey, by the way, my boyfriend abuses me and I feel like a weak, worthless person afterwards,” because that is definitely not something I could work into conversation. I think a lot of my offline friends knew but online it was easier to pretend things were all peachy keen.

In fact, I miss a lot of the people I used to talk to. I still lurk on some boards but I feel afraid to make the first step back into reacquainting myself with them again. There is so much I’d have to explain and it’d leave me feeling raw afterwards. There are so many things in my past I try to just block out and forget. So my question to all you lovelies is have you ever lost contact with someone you really never wanted to lose contact with? If so, have you ever started contact with that person and tried to patch up the relationship? If so, how? I guess I’m tired of being anti-social and after almost a year since the downward spiral also known as my former life started, I’m finally ready to pick up the pieces since I am over it all. I’m ready to move on and be happy and most of this is thanks to the current boyfriend who is more than a boyfriend, he’s a friend.

So anyways, I have a lot of cleaning to do since the boyfriend will be here tonight. I’ve been washing clothes since I had a clothes explosion in my bedroom floor so that is why I have to clean. Grrr. I hate cleaning. So until next time, later lovelies!

Semi-Update of sorts!

I really don’t have a lot of time to blog but I thought I’d put something up since I haven’t in the past few days. The boyfriend is in Ohio and I’m unsure if he’ll be back tomorrow or Thursday. Oh man, I never knew I could miss someone so much. I miss him ten times more since we talk every night but haven’t since he hasn’t been at home. I really needed him the other day because of this big explosion between me and my best friend. I’ll post about that later, probably password protected because I don’t want a big audience. Some things are personal, ya know?

Not much has happened the past few days. Last time the boyfriend was here we went to Wal-Mart with my mom. My mom has been talking about how she wanted a Wii but no one around here had one. Low and behold we were going to buy a Playstation 2 so we would have some sort of newer game system (I had one but asshole ex took it with him!) and Wal-Mart had Wii’s. Turns out the day before they had received 24 and only had about 10 left. Wow. We also got some outdoor furniture. My mom has wanted a table, chairs, and umbrella for as long as I can remember but never saw a set she liked but she did that day. She also bought a new swing. I love sitting in the swing in the afternoons watching the sunset so I was really happy about the swing.

Well, I have to go hop in the shower. We’re taking my cousin to the dentist. Until next time, later gators.

7 AM phone call

At 7:00 AM my phone rang this morning. It kind of scared me since who calls at 7:00 AM but it was the boyfriend. His grandmother in Ohio hasn’t been doing well and she passed away this morning. He wanted to tell me that he’d be going to Ohio which meant he wouldn’t be coming up here Monday/Tuesday since that’s when the funeral would be but he might be up here Wednesday night/Thursday/Friday. I feel bad for him because when someone passes away it’s hard to know what to say so I let him talk and told him I was here for him no matter what. I feel like there is something I should do or say but I am unsure of what. I want to be there for him but at the same time thinking about funerals and grandmas makes me think of when I lost mine which brings on a new set of emotions. No matter how many years past and no matter how easy the days get, those you’ve lost will always be missed and always be in the back of your mind. I miss you Pepaw! (I called my grandma PePaw, no idea why either so don’t ask. Lol.)

Sassy

I’m tired, cranky, and depressed as hell. The past three nights I’ve gotten about maybe eight hours of sleep total. Sassy, our dog, has been having a bad seizure and we had to take her to the vet. I’ll go more in depth to that later, for now I have to take her back to the vet. It’s time to say goodbye and I don’t want to. Does that make me a bad person? I know it’s selfish to pray for her to hold on even though I know she’ll never be the same. I love you, Sassy. I know that you’ll be in a better place soon and that gives me hope.